Bonds Beyond Time Part 1

This piece is much overdue. If you know me then you won't be surprised that people call me Disney Boy. I started this blog based on a Disney show afterall. Why do I like them so much? The simple answer is friendship. What do Hanna Montana, Girl Meets World, Big Time Rush, Kim Possible, Recess and Austin & Ally all have in common? They all have groups of friends, unconditional bonds that last for years, in every adventure they are together even if there are bumps along the road. Growing up watching these shows I always wanted to have these friendships, live these adventures; looking back at some episodes right now I know I lived it. I was lucky enough to meet the most amazing people in the world, the most amazing friends some of whom I have lost touch with, some of whom I talk to occasionally and some of whom I talk every day with. Regardless, they all shaped me to be who I am today. So I want to thank you all. Wether we've been together for 10 years or just for 1 you all mean the world to me. 

Let's start at the beginning, ISH. The people I met there have been my longest friends, they saw me grow up, change, were unconditional. ISH was a big happy family, didn't matter what grade you were in, if you were new or had been there all your life, what religion, what culture, what colour you were, what language you spoke, it was just the most wonderful environment to grow up in. Have you seen those episodes in these shows where the new kid comes into a school and feels out of place but the senior jock or the class president introduces you to all the kids in school, in class and makes it easier to make friends? Well that was ISH, Jonas Van Hoof, Remko, Yanik, Cesar, Kevin, Federico and Emanuele Taglione were some of the seniors that took me in as part of football lunch times without knowing me, they made me play in my first day there. They filled me with advice when i got into the team in my year of secondary school and never let me down or treated me anything less than a friend, someone that was in their same class. The hardest part was that people you met come and went, you would loose your friends after 2 years, 3 maybe, some would be there for life, but a lot of them left along the way. But everyone that past through my life left something good, I can remember all of them, all of you. I have a story for each one and there isn't enough space in the world to retell all the stories, but lets start with some. 

This picture encompasses what ISH is. We all knew each other, we all talked to each other, there wasnt a person you couldnt go to for advice or to have a laugh with. Trips like these between students from different grades just brought us closer together. Of course there was drama, there is always is. But the people that form that school were truly special. Outside of the classroom were the best times anyone could have.  All the people in this picture i know, there are few schools were you can say that. 

My class, what can I say about all the people that came though my class, a big family if i have ever seen one. The list of names is endless, Federico, Enrico, Luna, Max, Matias, Gaia, Marry-Ann, Baboucar, Alison, Martin, Skye, Jessica, Astrid, Valeria, Raj, Veronica, Ernesto, Alfey, Camila, Ana Rosa, Hee Koon and the list goes on, I could never leave out anyone that came through my class. Mathias taught me and guided me through taekwondo, i remember how amazing he was from day 1 i joined. When I was in fourth grade I had a cast for about 4 months i think and I remember how all my class signed my cast, they would carry me up and down the stairs, would sit down to have lunch with me every day, play cards, everyone i mean everyone cared it was wonderful. I regret not being more sociable at the time and sharing in their parties but all the ones i did share in were amazing. Matias and his family took me out to dinner and introduced me to cuscus. Everyone would show up to say Max's birthday at his house or would sleep over at Matias' house to watch a scary movie and have halo matches. Every came to my birthday party the one time I decided to have one at the Melia and we had a rock throwing war. One of my oldest happiest memories there was the smoothie stand to raise some money. All those lunch times spend playing football with the guys, in the computer lab playing HoN, camila showing me how to play busca minas. How could one forget those meetings at Gaia's house for projects or end of the year parties, thanks to her and her mom i got to visit Italy as well. Marteen your waffles were legendary i remember when you brought a box to class right after IT. We didn't compete with each other to be the best, or put each other down, you needed help, you got it with anyone. I sometimes find myself wishing i could go back and tell them all how much I am going to miss those days, simpler times, all you woried about was homework, but sincerity, kindness, laughter was the order of the day, every day. I can honestly say these are the best people in the world.  

So when you went out the door it still felt like home. I have friends from so many age groups, we bonded mostly through playing football at lunch times, skipping the eating to play as much as possible but we did all sorts of things outside of the school. I mean two of my brothers Alvaro and Leonardo were not even in my same grade but they came with me for my birthday to Varadero, spend the weekend at the beach and we had so much fun with movies, swimming, playing ping pong, chess, running around. Or how about when i tried to learn to drive a go kart and Valentina and Skumi helped me cause i was hopeless, even crashed once. My personal football idol, Lindo, one day i promised myself i would be as good as him, hahahahahaha never got there but if you ask him he would probably say that by the end of my stay there i did. International food fair was an amazing time to meet each others parents and share a bit of culture with the others. My brother's friend were mine too and treated me just like they did him. I played indoor football with them all the time, Pazzi, Chawin, Michael. Then there were the lunch time peeps, those friends you have an unbreakable team Nikola, Marcelo, Alev, Mauricio, Jonathas, Jou, Alex. I had endless laughter with all these guys, roadtrip to the beach. Carl, my tennis doubles partner who took me to my only gold medal, Angel who I thought was Roger Federer inside the court and genius inside the classroom.

Even-though you could go to anyone for advice and they were all sincere I had my choices and a lot of them were not even as old as I was but sometimes they were twice as wise. My first advice on relationships and approaching a girl i like were given to me by Matias' sister Emma and Max's sister Ana. Then there was Olivia, someone who helped me discover what was important when I was teenager which people can testify is a very hard thing to do. Sophie was one of those girl who helped get out of my shell and be less shy. She almost killed me making me run the relays in the athletics tournament for her team. Sammy who talked me through my romantic disappointments and was like a little sis to me. Karen before i left gifted me a perfume from France her homeland which i still have to this day.  

My very first friend is my brother, his family is my family, his mom and dad are my uncles and his sister is like my own. To this day we are family, there is nothing i wouldn't do for him or he wouldn't do for me. It all started what seems like an eternity ago and an instant at the same time when we had the sleep overs playing pokemon on the game cube until sunrise or trying to find the ball we lost playing football in the backyard, learning italian together, hide and seek. Honestly one of the most amazing people my aunt Cora, my brother Brandon, my sister Sofia. I know that in panama and wherever they go I have a home with them and they have one with us. Going to your graduation Brandon was one of the proudest and happiest moments and i will be there for your's Sofi as well soon. Luna you were always the nicest person to me even though sometimes i didn't quite deserve it, you looked after me when i had my cast, helped me navigate being at a party, did all the writing in our group projects.

 

There isn't enough space to tell all the stories i want to tell about everyone i have met so if/when you read this leave me a comment with a memory you have of me, of us and lets look back.  

Be Strong, Stay Strong.

I never know where to start with any of these so let's start at the beginning. I believe that we confuse being strict, profesional, serious, focused, determined, being someone of respect with just being feared, with being loud, with being angry. I believe nothing might encapsulate this better than what happens in my profession. I am not quite a doctor, actually i am half of the way getting a degree but i hear stories about how when you are an intern, a medical student a newly postgrad senior doctors humiliate you, tear you down for not knowing something, for not being according to them up to their standards. Sometimes it even gets more personal with some students i know being called fat in a derogatory fashion. Today i got told how i should be thankful that today, in this day an age i am able to speak my mind about my teachers about what i think is good, bad, how things could work better because when they were students they didn't have that luxury. I don't understand that, actually i can't get behind that. What do you say when you walk into a class, at university in your third year studying something you love and the first thing that the professor tells you is that they are mean and if you put something like that response in their exam you are going to get 0. Thats not earning any respect, its fear. Or that you are having classes online and because its such a new thing to all of us with this health crisis the platform can't handle the traffic and you can't hear your teacher. What do you think happens next? I wish that when i communicate to my teacher that they will understand the situation and take a few minutes to explain things again, however, they exploded in anger telling us how they never get these problems with any of the other classes and its just us. Even when we suggested to change platform they got angry because all they could think about is how we would use it to record their lectures o take screenshots of their presentations. We never got an apology for it, why should we, we are the students? But that's the wrong mindset, when you behave badly towards someone no matter who it is you should be able to say I am sorry, maybe its the ego getting in the way. The same ego some professors when they say that what they tell you is the absolute truth even though science evolves every day and what they know might not apply in the same way now. I can only talk from the perspective of medicine but learning is a never ending process and senior doctors, professors could learn as much from their students as the students do from their teachers. But this is a reality that many deny.

I feel like here in ecuador in the field of medicine we live in a toxic environment that we are so used to, we don't question it, we just lower our heads and accept it, afraid of the consequences, the punishments. There are nonstop stories about doctors telling their patients that this other doctor doesn't know anything, or that he sucks. In a profession where we depend on each other to provide people with the best care we can, it seems that what we do is put each other down as a lesson. We are dealing with peoples lives, so mistakes are not an option, but they are a reality, specially when you are a student. Instead of an environment where the emphasis is on not failing, it should be on learning, thriving to be better. Being afraid of failure invites failure, all the greatest inventions, all the great athletes, all the great minds made mistakes but they took in their stride to turn those mistakes into success which is as much a function of your self as those around you, in a university the staff, the teachers, your classmates. Even between classmates there are those who take the opportunity to show someone else by humiliating them how easy they can do things, and that's a reflection of what happens around us with our doctors in our practices, in our classes. Instead of telling someone who could they even think of such a diagnosis or telling someone that they are dumb for thinking of something, why not tell them the right answer, discuss with them, tell them why you think that what they said is a mistake. We have all been guilty of it at some point so i am asking you to reflect on it, to change it where you can.

It's not right that a couple of days before an exam that we agreed to suddenly expands the amount of topics on it, not because of the content but because of the principal involved. Getting told that we are lucky to have more than one day to study because in their time they only had one day to do it is not a justifiable answer. Being told that we should be stronger because in our profesional lives we are going to be told and treated a lot worst, with more disrespect might be a sad reality but this attitude does nothing to tackle the problem. Why does it have to be that way? If you hated it so much why not push for us to change it? I say being strong is telling them that this justification is wrong, that the way they do things is wrong. Being strong is communicating your feelings, your fears no matter the consequences. I know people who are too afraid to stand up for themselves because of the retaliation. Does that sound right? Does that sound how education should be? Being strong is to stand up to the unjust, stare it down and fight for the change. Lowering your head and accepting that things are the way they are just because they tell you it used to be a lot worst before and it might get a lot worst later on is when we are truly defeated. Being strong is being able to critique yourself, admit when you are wrong, because we all make mistakes. I was scared of my first practice at a hospital, never before had i done a physical examination and its all theory until you face your first patient. I was scared from all the stories in which doctors would shout at you, ask you what you were doing, call you lazy, use words like pathetic. But it wasn't so, that doctor made such an effort to teach me, to guide me, to question my knowledge that it solidified what i learnt and prepared me for the next. This is the new generation, i wish more doctors were like her.

With all that being said i want to dedicate a part of this piece to those who show me that not everything is bleak. I have four teachers, older than me about a year maybe two who to me are examples of the doctors of tomorrow we should be having. They are as knowledgeable as the best of them but they have something that many lose along the way, that joy, that empathy, that happiness you get when you start studying something you love. Never once have they told me because i made a mistake that i am going to kill someone, that i clearly don't study hard enough, that i will fail their exam. No, they always push me to learn, to study more, be more complete for the patients i will treat because its for them that i am doing this. They don't shout at me when i ask them to explain something again, their exams are challenging, because they advocate for hard work but not through humiliation or fear but by making us enjoy what we do. They have given me the best classes in this faculty i have ever received. I remember how during a practical exam it took me more time than it should to put a central catheter because it was my first time doing it through a subclavical access. They told to calm down, asked me questions guiding my knowledge to find the solution, patience and in the end i made it. And after that i kept practicing and i still plan to, but i always remember what they taught me. They are the future, i have faith that they will change how things work for the better and when i graduate i will do it too.

When i was in london my final year project, my thesis, was supervised by this very strict, at first menacing professor. When she first had a meeting with me about my project she said she wanted the best, that science is about hard work, determination, effort, perseverance and long hours. That i will have to read, study, write like never before. So she tested me on everything i knew about the subject correcting me in the flaws i had but she never told me i was stupid or not good enough just told me to be prepared and so i did, from then on every meeting i would go to her trying to impress her, to prove i knew my stuff to be the best student in my field, to do my part of the study to the high standards demanded, i wasn't afraid to fail, i was anxious to learn and show what i got. After long hours in the lab, even nights she congratulated me on doing a good job, shared coffee with me over our meetings, showed me through any trouble i had. In the end I got an A on my thesis and it formed part of an important study in the development of a new therapeutic cure. Don't get me wrong it wasn't all peaches, when i was wrong boy did she let me know i was wrong but i was never humiliated, angry, i never felt put down just a thrive to do better. Being feared is not the same as respected.

My own teachers tell me to be afraid of others and they are afraid of them themselves. People can change things and its in this new generation that the answer lies. Don't lower your head, don't let them ever tell you that you are not good enough, don't be afraid to fail, be afraid to not succeed like you know you can do. Don't lose your humanity, that seems to be something that happens a lot in our career, hold on to being human.