Your conscience

Who can live with a dirty conscience? I still remember when I was kid how many times I was told that lies, deceit will dirty up my conscience but I was never told why I needed it to be clean or what it meant. When I asked some of my friends what they think a conscience is the answer I most commonly get is that the conscience is that little voice in your head that tells you to say the truth, to come clean, to own up to a mistake, to avoid making a decision; its the feeling of guilt which comes from deceit or the remorse from not doing something. Broadly speaking your conscience is your inner set of ethics and values, a moral sense of what is right and what is wrong. But does it really stop there? What if I was to tell you that your conscience starts to act before you have taken a decision so its not just an inhibiting sense? What if it is not limited to right and wrong from an ethical sense but it is also trying to push us to do something, to say something? I believe the conscience is like a sixth sense and learning to listen to it makes us grow. It is best described with some examples I guess.



If you have ever been on a bus, a train, the metro, and airplane etc. most likely at some point you have had the impulse to talk to someone, at least I've had. Maybe its that girl who smiled at you before you got in the train or the guy wearing the Ecuador shirt in London or the girl reading that book which you just finished last week and love so much. Then he/she gets of the train, bus, etc. but its not your stop and you lose your chance. That is when the feeling of guilt and remorse comes in: why didn't I do it? that for me is your conscience speaking not because you did something ethically wrong but because in fact you did something wrong by not taking an opportunity that felt right. I think your conscious was talking to you much earlier. That instinct you had to go ahead and talk to those people, that is on some level your conscience. Trust me when I tell you follow that instinct. I can't count the amount of times I have felt remorse/guilt because of not doing something or saying something. Those of you who know me from middle school, high school will most likely describe me as shy and to be honest I used to be. For most of my life at school I was that kid, never got out of line, didn't join in conversations much, avoided parties, I was just very quiet. But as the years got on my friends pushed me out of that shell and I started listening to my conscious more and more. I learned to embrace that feeling which tells me to do something or say something and its the best thing I have ever done.

A little bit more than a year ago I met one of the most interesting people in my life, someone who manages to be the exact opposite of me and at the same time understands my life perfectly. She knows all of my stories cause when something happens to me she is the first person to know. I know all of her stories and her saddest moments. Its a friendship which to be honest I haven't had with anyone else. We live apart and talk for hours on skype. I remember one night we said we were going to bed and 5 hours later we were still chatting at 6 am. I learn so much from her from all the places she visits and all the stories she tells me because our lives are so different. The day I met her we were on a plane sitting next to each other from Ecuador to Amsterdam and before the plane took off she asked me if I was from Ecuador and if I was going to England as I was reading a book of my course. Then I answered, politely asked where she was from and where she was travelling to. After that there was some silence. the conversation could have ended there but I felt something telling me to get to know her. For the next 8 hours we chatted about silly things like movies, tv shows; serious things like dreams, goals, aspirations, family, experiences, creativity, etc.

Ever since I was in secondary school, grade 6 and above, I was always quite a good student academically at least and my parent's never denied me anything I was in a privilege position. I owe it mostly to following my conscience. Right before turning on my playstation to play some fifa I always had this heaviness on my chest about not studying or finishing off an assignment and so I always did that first and even after asked permission to watch TV and play on the computer not because I was taught to ask permission or because my parents demanded it from me. In fact they were surprised every time I asked because well they never forbade me from doing it. I am here today with a degree in Biomedical Sciences in London at 20 and about to go to medical school for my second degree. Its not to brag, its one of the clearest example I can think of for following your conscience because it can bring good things.

When I was a swimmer and even now when I played for the university tennis team I was never the best but I always pushed myself harder than what people told me to do and what I thought I could do. All because I had a heaviness, a feeling that I will feel terrible if I didn't push on. Some years back at ISH I swam in a contest and at the 50m race I felt an injury in my shoulder. I was in so much pain but I still had to participate in all the other races. I could have stopped and went home but again that feeling of heaviness, the notion that I will regret sitting at home without trying got the better of me and I went to win all of the remaining races that year. At one point I had an injury in my foot for which I wore a cast. Old school friend of mine will remember that time. Even with that I performed the exam to move on to a higher belt in Taekwondo. I guess what people call a gut feeling I call conscience. In the summer after I turned 18 I was back in Ecuador and was one year too old to sign up for the football summer camp. Maybe someone else would have moved on from that and done something else but as I realised I couldn't sign up I had a feeling that I should at least try to talk to the coaches I knew from previous years maybe they could let me in. And so I did, next thing I know I spend the summer at the Independiente Del Valle football summer school and met some of the closest friends I have today. People I talk to all the time, who share my passions who consider me a brother and I them. I built my own football team from the people I met there and went on to win a championship a year later.    

Its not surprising that the consciousness can push you to be better. Like most people I don't like going to the gym sometimes, or writing an assignment that is due next week today, or playing defence in a match when I play midfielder all the time. Before skipping gym, hanging out instead of starting that assignment, skipping a party I said I was going to I get that sinking feeling again. Its my conscience. In the same way I can't live with myself when I tell a lie or hide a secrete can I live with myself by not doing these things by not taking these opportunities? Your conscience can be a powerful motivator, open up a lot of doors, when you use it right and not just to learn to tell the truth but to push you beyond your limits. I am not ashamed to say I have a signed photograph of Sabrina Carpenter and a poster. Now if you read my last piece on meeting Sabrina Carpenter you know by now I got to tell her how much of an inspiration she is. Looking at that picture my conscience tells me to be open, have fun, work hard, go to the gym when I don't want to, talk to that girl on the train reading the book on British Roman history (which I did, had a great trip), ask my friends to play some football on a hot summer day, write this blog. My conscience tells me to live up to my words.

I guess in conclusion what I want to say is that my conscience has given me some of the best experiences, friendships and accomplishments in my life so far. Take that chance, listen to that voice who knows maybe you will find a close friend, live an experience you will remember forever. 

Meeting Sabrina Carpenter

Since more than a year ago I added one more goal to my bucket list, the 12th of May 2017 was the day I lived one of my dreams. This is my last year in London for now, graduating from university and like if it was meant to be the gorgeous, talented, amazing Sabrina Carpenter joined The Vamps on a tour in the UK. As soon as she announced that she was performing I knew I had to buy a ticket. I was incredibly lucky to be able to get a VIP ticket to meet Sabrina Carpenter before the concert and its a day I will never forget.

As some of my friends  know, I am quite the fan of Sabrina Carpenter, I purchased her new album and have a framed autograph picture of her so yeah... She inspires me in a way that I never thought could happen. In this very blog I have talked about the value of friendships, family and how the relationships that you have, weather they are long or short, shape the way we are but a lot of us find inspiration/drive from people we don't know. We call them idols, heroes, role models; whatever their name they give us the motivation to shape our path. Sabrina once said on her live stream while promoting her album "Evolution": "Write until your hands hurt and then keep writing". Those words resonate with me more than when my friends or family tell me the same message. To pursue your dreams you have to work hard and never give up. What truly matters is always painful in some way and it perseverance that yields rewards. 

Stepping into a room with a Sabrina Carpenter background, a photographer and blinding lights I was speechless when I saw her. She was even more gorgeous in person, I couldn't believe it but what left me frozen was her words. It goes without saying that she has an incredible voice, just listen to any of her songs, what was surprising was how she spoke to her fans. I stepped into the lights and Sabrina looked straight into my eyes and smiled and said "Hey I am happy you are here, you are my first guy in London. What's your name?" Before anyone thinks I fainted, No I didn't, I answered and embraced her hug. You could say she is trying to be nice with her audience and to the people that pay to see her but I think she genuinely cares about her fans. Looking at her eyes, I can't quite explain it but they shine with a light of true happiness, like a kid living their dream, just spreading joy and positivity to the world. There is no acting, you can tell this is a young women who loves what she is doing and is grateful to the people who support her in the pursuit of her dream. Not everyone goes to the trouble of asking people their names and having as brief as they were, genuine conversations.


She said that she liked my shirt and accent... I believe I blushed cause she giggled like if she could see how nervous I was. To the girl before me when she saw her she mentioned how beautiful she was. Never in that room did she say the same thing to two people, all the interactions were different, they were genuine. Its impressive to remain humble, be yourself when you are famous but this girl is so grounded that she acts like you would expect from any other teenager. After the meet and greet we went into a room where she performed a 3 song acoustic set (Thumbs, Shape of You, Smoke and Fire) for all the people at the meet and greet. Now this part was for me the most interesting because before each song she talked about how the themes and lyrics came to her during the writing process. For thumbs she explained that while she was in the train she thought about how much of a routine life can be, waking up in the morning, going to work, go back home, sleeping and repeat. Music for her is a way to escape the routine and open her mind to trying new things, to think critically about the world, to question, to explore and she wanted to transmit that message to her audience because sometimes the world is too boring. Now how mature is that for a 16 year old girl at the time of writing the song? I don't remember a time during that afternoon where I couldn't see her smile, laugh or talk. She loves to asks questions, to be sarcastic, to be silly. Watching her sing a few steps away from me was breathtaking.

I said to her before we took the photo together how much of an inspiration she was to me to remain myself in success, to work hard, to be open to new ideas, new experiences. Ever since the first day I started this blog I said to myself that if I ever had the opportunity to meet Sabrina or Rowan I would tell them how they changed my life for the better, now I have to continue to live up to those words. Whenever I feel like being lazy I think back at her, who she is, what she would do and the words I spoke to her. Its not for her, its for me, I couldn't live with myself if I let down those words. That is why an idol is important, because it brings out the best in us.

Getting to the concert, the energy was incredible. She knows how to interact on stage with her audience, you know what just take a look at this:

Sabrina Carpenter you are an amazing, genuine person and an incredible singer. You gave the best concert I have ever seen and its a day i will not forget.